The good, the bad and the ugly bits – being shackled to a sailor

The good, the bad and the ugly

During November, at our annual staff away month in the BVI's in our pair of three deck, 50 foot, twin 500hp, scoop sterned lozenges the staff at the Institute of Boat Psychology came up with a new way of getting money from sailors by creating an entirely new maritime related psychosis.

Until now, what with PNV, our outreach programme to DCS sufferers and particularly to those sailors afflicted with EOE syndrome we have focused primarily on the sailors themselves - who are mainly men.

As Dr Cynthia Braisenthwaite said at the flip board session "We are failing to exploit, I mean help, that great unsung maritime demographic - the partners of sailors."

We will announcing details of our residential marital harmony course in May but we would like to get yourselves off to a great start by carrying out a simple self help therapy with your loved one.

Next time you are in a relaxed position with your spouse - candles, freshly opened wine box and on the last nockings of an excellent meal innocently ask them what it is like being married to a sailor.

Ask them to list three good things about us. If they show any desire to oversupply then encourage this with an ever full glass. They musty offer at least three/

Once their creativity has been spent ask them to mention two drawbacks - this is the word to use. Allow them two - and two only.

Then ask them to name one ugly thing before going onto suggesting an evening in front of the telly with Jane Austen

Then report back here and we will use your results as part of the residential course - you owe it to yourselves and your fellow sailors.

Dr Dyl Winter
Head of maritime marital relations

In the spirit of truth I did the excercise with Jill

three good things:
Faithfulness - sailors never stray to other women - they already have two loves in their lives
there is no room for any more
practicality - give them a job to do before they go sailing and it is done quickly
Guilt - they always feel guilty about boat money - sailing partners can spend whatever they like without being criticised

the bad
Money wasted on sailing
sad expression - that look on their face when the sun is shinging and they would rather be sailing than be at a family gathering

the ugly
The smell from the wet side of the sailbag when they come home after three days on the boat

This is about Sailing around Britain. Tags:

12 Responses to “The good, the bad and the ugly bits – being shackled to a sailor”

  1. 17 December, 2013 at 5:31 pmDavid J says:

    Is Jane “Austin” from Texas?

  2. 17 December, 2013 at 5:41 pmdylan winter says:

    I see what you did there……as a result of that posting I have booked you onto our first course as an emergency admission

  3. 17 December, 2013 at 7:39 pmJohn says:

    Is this therapy advisable after having ordered a stack pack, new windows, a chart plotter and mainsheet control system just before Christmas. Possibly a risky strategy at best.

    Worried of Kent

  4. 17 December, 2013 at 8:02 pmdylan winter says:

    oh dear o dear o me!

    we do have a problem don’t we

    start on the five step program with the candles and the wine box – take if from there

    I am assuming that it is not too late to cancel the orders

  5. 17 December, 2013 at 9:38 pmApplescruffs says:

    The Good:…They always know where we are…on a boat…in a boat..or in a pub talking about a boat

    The Bad……We will always lie about the amount of money we spend on boatie related things

    The Ugly…..My bloody boat !!

    Cheers !

  6. 18 December, 2013 at 1:25 amMark the Skint Sailor says:

    While I’m messing with the boat my other half is either working (she works every other weekend) so no problem there.

    The alternate weekend while I’m on boaty business her therapy is to engage in a Bafflingly Intense Numerical Gaming Opportunity. Usually in afternoon and evening sessions, in large support groups.

  7. 18 December, 2013 at 3:28 pmdylan winter says:

    does the weather co-operate with this arrangement – bet it seldom complies.

  8. 20 December, 2013 at 2:19 amGary Blankenship says:

    As a moderate sufferer of PNV, I finally got my wife to go along with my latest building project by naming the boat after her. Now she insists that it get only the best materials and careful attention and detailing, the latter of which can be a drawback.

    However, she is a good sailor and suffers some symptoms herself. One day I called her at work and intending to use irony to underline the unsuitability of sailing that day, informed her it was blowing up to 35 and seas were running 9 to 12 feet. Her reply: “Stop trying to tempt me, you know I have to work. . . .” (It bears noting we have a 20 foot, unballasted sailboat.)

  9. 20 December, 2013 at 9:32 amdylan winter says:

    she sounds like a witty and intelligent woman – do not let her go – unless you sell her to a fellow sailor – she should fetch quite a good price – even second hand

  10. 21 December, 2013 at 1:00 amMark the Skint Sailor says:

    Luckily its relatively sheltered where the boat is and I bring as much off it to work on at home as I can which gets round the weather aspect, but there are times the tides are wrong and I can’t get to the boat thats the really critical thing.

    I think the sailor’s pragmatism and lack of panic comes in handy when you’re faced with situations like this: http://theskintsaiilor.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/ready-for-anything.html

    The Money Aspect doesn’t come into it for me, I am the Skint Sailor after all. I got a boat for nothing! Probably the only yacht I’ve seen advertised on freecycle. Since I got it expenditure has run at around 40 quid a month and thats including paying the insurance monthly. I trade time for money: sure I could do things quicker if I had the money, but without the money I just accept it will take longer to accomplish a task.

    Part of the art or challenge of low-cost sailing for me is finding ways of driving down costs. Finding freebies wherever possible or hunting for bargains. Its very primal: its like being on the hunt for any other quarry.

    The only downside is the clutter in the hallway such as generator, tools and supplies box. All ready to go in the back of the car but I do get it in the neck from the BINGO fanatic about it all.

  11. 1 January, 2014 at 4:57 pmGary Baker says:

    Sailing is an illness. We are trying to have the illness recognized by the Department of New Diseases and have treatment plans drawn up. Some of the treatments so far used by civilians have not worked very well. We believe the only valid treatment will be to offer discount on sailing supplies, no taxes what so ever on anything to do with sailing and free consultation with sailing experts as required. Treatment centres will be created at major marinas in buildings to accommodate sad sailors when the weather turns out poor. Recreation, good food and good beverage will certainly help in the passing of time until the weather turns good. Happy New Year from Canada.

  12. 3 January, 2014 at 12:44 amdylan winter says:

    listen to this bloke chaps – he speaks good sense

    I have nominated him for chairman of the RYA

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